With the post-graduation stepping into my life, the fear of being grown up kept rolling my mind. The exams and pattern of studies, although, had no fundamental change, but the pressure of higher studies had a superior space. Not that studies changed, neither were we getting scanned in the rule of autocratic professors, my mind had an urgency, an urge to just get into earning mode. The thought was to get whopping first salary of 2.26 lacs pm and do away with education loan :-) (Obviously Reliance Adag's campaign induced me to think bigger and better).
I was no longer staying in the hostel, not that I spent three years there, but certainly I paid for the same time (Friends still make fun of this). Since I was putting up at a place 30 something minutes (In India, the distances are calculated in hours than the miles) I found it too near to keep staying away. Despite being a regular traveler I continued my access to friends I made there. It was really a treat to be a part of the two lots, being with the folks managing some travel with me and the electrifying hostel gang that led my desire of booming a mass bunk. I call them opportunist; their reasoning to skip the college sheltered almost all possibilities. The treasure of being with everyone (even today) had always made me accessible to conversations of manifold styles, fashion, across all the moods and reasons among the 50 folks (reduced to 38 in 2008)
Days went by, the thought to succeed was still undone and during the process I was much into my own personal life, I would make no second thought to admit that my dream run was into place. The numbers in the semester started going my way, I could see the betterment in each attribute associated to me, be it the command over things, development as a professional, and above all I had started seeing happiness around me. The magic was all around.
It might be a consequence of change that I was not really interest to the conversations and problems others had; I was so much in my own gears. Inadvertently, my world of happiness was looming amongst few people and precisely fewer things.
Did I lose my contacts? Were things getting confined? None of these thoughts stuck into my mind and I felt no urge to appraise also. Yes, it could appear as a selfish side of me, but without knowing the reasons my mind was sure about my doings. I was not trying to create to a distance from people, after her (Nidhi) struggle for two long years, I just tried to find a personal space for her and I knew it was no favor; it was a confession, a rectifying effort. Over all my initial years I gave her no time (admit to have left no opportunity to skip an f2f conversation), my reformed heart wanted me to at least give her space.
I have always loved to be surrounded by people, to have queries coming my way, to have issues that were to be resolved, but when around her desk, I didn't want anyone to come to me, I didn't want any swing of action. It was going all in the air, the long sms conversions now turned to be the telephone calls. We didn't forget the sms way of life, but sms had their reserved space only for the arguments. And when the gossips turned into a disagreement, the smses never limited to odd 160 characters, its length touched miles:). To the civic world the message was clear, I had feelings and love happened to exist, precisely CO-EXIST:). The symptoms had become public and indications of phone getting a busy tone, a delayed response to sms, chirp(often lousy) mood, morning jinx, midnight fevers each combined to sum up the days.
The happier days continued to bring happiness, while the pitiful odds happened to be disastrous. We continued the gags sometimes and many times the world war 3 appeared to have bounced. It was not just the love that cultivated something peculiar to my nature sowed in me. From being unaware about anything related to her, I wanted to know almost everything. To my surprise, I guess, I was turning possessive.
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