My thoughts may sound antiquated in the virtual world of sparkle and that I do not have much to convey about something that has not been shared earlier. Just that I have a heart that is debriefing my mind to ask a few questions to veterans around. Not that my mind is unaware to new paradigm of principles and beliefs, but there are certain things which I may not have experienced personally because I belong to a superior class of human beings called MALES. I am not Someone courageous enough to raise my concerns daily, I may accidently be the one practicing it. if not so, I am certainly getting the privilege without actually applying for it.
For years, the thought never came to my mind. May be because I never had a sister to intrude my privileges and my mother never let that feeling sink in us. You grow while looking up to her in one fashion and probably that appearance becomes a custom for you. Your mothers generally do not give you an access to the problems they have been through, you always debut to a hunkie-dory world. She would mute our questions on society, marriages, and customs this world has. Only the good things are told in the privilege world, may be the bad ones are first introduced to the underprivileged race of Human beings called the FEMALES. Not sure if my interpretation has a truth in it, but the introduction of the world for the ladies will certainly have access to words like crime, danger, society and foremost- SACRIFICE.
I have been naïve to this concept for quite a number of years. The school never taught me the differentiation and this territory has always been new to me. No wonder I went through a number of stories, films and people, but it all appears hypothetical unless you experience it yourself. If you do not have a sister, your first encounter with this certainty will happen only when you start living with the second love of your life, your wife. You would silently start believing in the imageries that you have been through for years but have thought them to be fictions. I have always been close to my mother but then such questions were never asked or told as it was a very sundry thing to discuss. When you start sharing your life, you tend to be more keen in observing and finally absorbing things. It would be highly unfair and cold if I put somebody in isolation and raise questions about the tragic scenario of life. The status of the underprivileged members(Ladies) have gone through great changes over the new millennium, the percentage of them getting educated is high, the skill level is going up, yet the atrocities are common and still there is a gap between them and the privileged ones. As this holds true to everyone, my universal questions are to everyone living on the planet and specially to those who are the proponents of modern ideologies. Why is that they have to undergo nothing less than a dope test whenever they ask for their rights?
I put everyone including me to the ordeal of my never ending questions. Why is that a girl is born in the family and there are two types of reaction? The ugly one being the thought of affording the girl and the good side unquestionably asking for a party. While the celebrations continue to be same for the boy and the girl, the fear of rearing the latter buds in the mind of parents. The little girl would get everything she asks for, but the background thought would be about the separation that has to be happen some 20 years later. May be everything would be given to her in the back of a thought that “Isse yeh ledo ji, isne fir chale jaana hai”. No wonder the parents try very hard, the thought of being a temporary member perks up somehow someway someday. Why is that the family of four including the boy always looks for a 2BHK(lets be frank) right from the day they think of getting nuclear and shifting to the modern houses. The arrangement of the society calls for the livelihood of a girl at the husband’s place, but is it that they would never have a room of their own or in case they have, the title would be transferred someday? Will their entire premarriage period be about their temporary residency(TR)? Whatever stuff they buy, the jewellery they wear, everything has the context to marriage, as if marriage is the only thing that has to happen to them. Of course, the modern thought that has infused recently is about their work, career and then marriageJ(the last one being most certain amongst the middle class which accounts for most of us).
Why the post marriage period of girl hovers around the boy she has got hitched (intentional) with. She has to change for the new family, has to accommodate with new people. Has to compulsorily and peacefully forget her own relations, the relatives and cousins she had been with throughout her first instalment of TR. She doesn’t have the food she wants to eat, it is up to the choices of husband and sometimes the other members of family. Her entire life has gone towards the struggle of her independence from the ancient odds of society, yet her liberation from these comes after her surrender to new customs and beliefs. She had her quarter of life spent one way, but now she has to undergo sea change. No wonder, we try to comfort her, but change is inevitable. Why is the second instalment of their lives still about the Permanent residency(PR) of their husbands? Why would they still be in and around their new families always trying and accommodating? Why is that the 29% of the girls(approximation) who work and are serious about careers have to be equally serious about the other facets of their lives? If they refuse to do so, they are deemed to be unacceptable. Of course it is not something new that I am asking. Their equality is into question since long. But then why am I asking the same question even today. The blogs and editorials have got dumped as literature and nothing seems to have moved much.
A Girl’s first tranche is through a temporary world , and towards her preparation for PR. She is likely to get the same once she settles to her own home. This Home would in-turn be the “own home” of her husband who she is supposed to live with.
All that decisions she couldn’t take due to TR restrictions were earlier postponed for her PR.
Now that she has to live with a PR so conditionally that she takes time to get full term PR and that the earlier TR has already expired.
Now she doesn’t know if she has the full right to ask for her needs in the new house and that she cannot ask her parents for same as well. What is the Pathway to her PR?